My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
