I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
