i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
