Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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