I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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