Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
