So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
did you just send me my own nude
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
