i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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