i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
