12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
