I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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