we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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