Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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