I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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