I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Vodka?
Forever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
