can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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