Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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