I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
