She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
