benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
