2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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