remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
