She's JV to your varsity
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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