You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
