Your mouth is God's brothel.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
