a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
