Porn is love you can see.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
