In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
