My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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