I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
