Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
