So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
