One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
