Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
