i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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