I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
