Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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