Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
