We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
