Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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