Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
