Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize