Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
