Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
