I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
