i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
