Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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