my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You can't just leave with hair like that
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
