Jerry, you need to find god
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
