I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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