Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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