A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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