I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
