Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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