Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
