she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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