Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
