please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I will pee on everything he values.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
