# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
