I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
