Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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