Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
