Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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