so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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