My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My vagina is officially offended.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
