He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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