theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
