How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she peed on how many people?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
