my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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