Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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