no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
