Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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