I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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