The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
