you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
