It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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