What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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