I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
