Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
