soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
